That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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