Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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