I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
