he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
