Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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