i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i already hear my dad disowning me
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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