Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
