Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
