All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
