I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
