i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
