omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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