Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
