hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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