it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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