i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
