Is it normal to miss your booty call?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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