I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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