as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
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You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
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Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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