He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
