Your tits are I can't wait for
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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