So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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