apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
