Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
