it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
