watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We have started to decorate penises.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
