it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sext me about skeletons
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
