it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
