don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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