I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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