There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
