Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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