I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
