Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
