East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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