Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
