id be glad to
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she looked like the before picture.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
