Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
