So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
