How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
