you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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