Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
