I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
