Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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