Sponge bath it is.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
