Plan B is the new Plan A
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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