i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
