Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
