mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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