I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
