i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
