my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
