I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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