Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
