he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
