Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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