You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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