he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
