New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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