no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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