Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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