Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.

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  (757): If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans? (269): Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass. http://tfl.nu/u35z
  Replies (13) Good night (2380) Bad night (665)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  "auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made

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  (404): "auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made http://tfl.nu/y4iq
  Replies (23) Good night (798) Bad night (4636)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.

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  (586): May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner. http://tfl.nu/u3lx
  Replies (18) Good night (796) Bad night (5459)
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  (650): View more from California

  last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'

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  (650): last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.' http://tfl.nu/3iza
  Replies (16) Good night (5441) Bad night (1185)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"

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  (267): Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone" http://tfl.nu/ni9u
  Replies (16) Good night (1113) Bad night (3500)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same

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  (810): I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same http://tfl.nu/4oc8
  Replies (6) Good night (2496) Bad night (1219)
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  (650): View more from California

  So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back

  (971): View more from Oregon

  You should go to counseling for that

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  (650): So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back (971): You should go to counseling for that http://tfl.nu/q4bf
  Replies (6) Good night (1984) Bad night (1211)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons

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  (862): Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons http://tfl.nu/m8s3
  Replies (11) Good night (2040) Bad night (589)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Drink for every country you've never heard of.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Fuuuuuuuuuck

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  (815): Drink for every country you've never heard of. (630): Fuuuuuuuuuck http://tfl.nu/g5f9
  Replies (9) Good night (2584) Bad night (555)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?

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  (609): he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night? http://tfl.nu/gjwh
  Replies (5) Good night (352) Bad night (1257)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.

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  (586): He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head. http://tfl.nu/0c7d
  Replies (11) Good night (738) Bad night (373)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.

  (1-678): View more from Georgia

  I want to change all my life goals to that.

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  (678): Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans. (1-678): I want to change all my life goals to that. http://tfl.nu/4r6x
  Replies (3) Good night (524) Bad night (247)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  First world problems.

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  (206): There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight. (1-206): First world problems. http://tfl.nu/pvak
  Replies (2) Good night (492) Bad night (223)
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  (818): View more from California

  what are you going as for halloween?

  (805): View more from California

  drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable

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  (818): what are you going as for halloween? (805): drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable http://tfl.nu/bmlt
  Replies (5) Good night (853) Bad night (146)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer

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  (770): but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer http://tfl.nu/kkfh
  Replies (4) Good night (501) Bad night (177)

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