ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?