C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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