4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
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The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
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Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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