I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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