I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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