Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
