We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
