The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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