I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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