It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
please don't ironically join a cult
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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